In french. retarde can be translated “delayed” or “late.” In English, while it has come to be used more frequently as a slang term, the word retarded traditionally has been defined in relation to it’s French cousin… to be delayed. So back to my question, are you chronically retarded? And if so, have you ever thought about what this pattern communicates to those in your circle of influence.
For those who know me well, you know how much I hate being late for anything. While much of this disdain is wrapped up in personality, this discipline or habit of attempting not to be late has been developed over a long period of intentional and purposeful choice making. My attention for being on time was also fostered in my first full time employment. My first boss, who still by the way is one of my heroes, had almost zero tolerance or patience for tardiness. Over the course of my four year tenure in this organization, I rememb
er fellow employees sheepishly entering a meeting after it had already commenced and receiving the “eye of displeasure” from him. If looks could melt a soul, then consider the soul vaporized. He made it very clear from the onset of our employ, that lateness was an unacceptable behaviour because of what lateness fundamentally communicates to others.
Being late happens but when being late becomes a chronic habit; it reveals something fallen. It reveals a soul focused inward. Lateness is a habit of narcissism. It is telling others in your circle of influence 
that your priorities, your agendas, and your life is more important than others in the room, especially when others are waiting on you. To force others to wait on your agenda and time table is to disrespect and invalidate them. We cannot be others focused or God centered when we are self centered.
In our culture, have you ever considered showing up chronically late for work? Why not? Maybe because that would be deemed as unacceptable behaviour in the work place and lead to your forced dismissal. Have you ever considered arriving late for a concert or sporting event? Why not? Maybe because we truly value that experience. Can it be said that we prioritize arriving on time for that which we deem important or is dictated as important by our culture, such as arriving on time for work.
A few days ago, an acquaintance in Australia posted the following: “The main division in the church no longer over creed or doctrine, but between those who arrive on time & 15 minutes late.” I responded by wondering what this retarded behaviour actually communicates. Does it communicate a lack of priority, a devaluing of the “sacred,” and raw narcissism? While the late person may not be consciously thinking along these lines, what do others who have grown up in our culture interpret from our patterns? Remember our actions communicate a particular set of beliefs, whether we like it or not. Does arriving consistently late for formal or informal church gatherings actually communicate a set of unconscious or conscious beliefs about the value we place on community and the particular experience of the community? Does arriving late communicate that we’ve come to “get” something from the experience rather than “give?” Does it reveal a consumer, heart attitude? If it were possible to re-orient our life around giving, would we actually begin showing up on time and validating others and God with our presence? Probably all worth pondering.
By the way, it’s never too late to apologize for being a retard. 
Resist the culture of narcissism and the chronically retarded and live more intentionally with this life. Show up on time for your life because you only have one to live!
I’m right with you on this one Tyler.
Hey Tyler. I like the message a lot! It is convicting and challenging and as much as I don’t want to believe it, probably deeply true. I found it hard to get over you using the word retarded to refer to being late though. It is too commonly used to refer to a severe mental delay. And so, “By the way, it’s never too late to apologize for being a retard” made me cringe. Either way, I like the message
Hey Shelbie, Thanks for your thoughts. As you know, I tried to make a distinction early on in the post from the slang term and in doing so reconnect with the roots of the word. The last line that you noted above was simply a way of playing with the term after distinguishing it from mental delay but I get your point and where you are coming from. Thanks for responding and feel free to continue chatting through the comments section. I enjoy the interaction.
I think you’re moralizing about a cultural value, not a moral one. I grew up in Albania, a country in which punctuality is not really important at all. This does not, however, mean that Albanians don’t value each other’s time, or relationships, or anything of the sort. In fact, Albanians are generally much more hospitable than Americans, are generally more willing to have an impromptu cup of coffee with you (because they value spending time with each other) than Americans, even if it will make them late. And they are understanding when someone is late.
I will admit that this can be frustrating at times, particularly when time is of the essence. However, it can also be freeing. Putting moral weight on punctuality can, I think, put a lot of unnecessary pressure on people to be a slave to their schedules, which I don’t think is necessarily healthy. And punctuality does not always communicate respect, at least not to everybody. I have a family member who is always on time to any type of family gathering, yet is often the first to leave as well, often because he has another commitment that day or wants to get home in good time, or whatever. To me, that communicates that spending time with the family is just another item on his daily checklist, rather than something that’s very important to him.
I’m sure a balance is achievable. Flexibility and respect of other people’s time. But I disagree that being late is a moral failing. I contend that it’s a cultural value that varies from person to person.
Zach, good thoughts… and thanks for posting….I totally agree that cultural values exist in every context as you are suggesting. We are always culturally sensitive going into other contexts on mission or business trips so as not to offend anyone in the local context. Other countries are often a lot less worried about time but that isn’t true in our context. We are precise and our culture holds values around this preciseness. I’d agree that one can’t say being late is a moral failure per se but it certainly flies in the face of what is deemed acceptable in our culture and often communicates negative values in our particular culture. For those growing up in the west, you are flying in the face of what is deemed acceptable to the broader culture by being chronically late. I’m concerned simply with what being late communicates in this culture. One would not consider being chronically late for work, but why is it acceptable to be late for social gatherings? or church services for that matter? What does it communicate to the onlookers when we arrive 15-20 minutes late? Does the behavior communicate a value system in our particular context? I think it does….